i overheard my wife talking about me
Idc about bros before hoes or chicks before dicks nonsense, when someone insults your partner behind their back its your responsibility to stand up for them, not agree with them and contribute to the drunk girl talk. Theres PLENTY of ways to do this in both confrontational and non-confrontational ways. I couldnt believe it. For that reason I would agree that you guys should talk about, counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship. I dont air out our dirty laundry for anyone else to see, especially when it comes to sex. They are not good people (homophobes are not good people), and they don't give a shit about you or your relationship with her. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. Do good anyway. I am a very chill guy. Mom and boy 22:56. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. Your story is isn't as violent, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear. Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. We were chatting in my kitchen (we own a two family house) and her boyfriend was eavesdropping at the connecting door. It takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to explore kinks with somebody. This has obviously been a topic of conversation for a couple years and she never bothered to tell him about outing him, instead laughing about their sex life and needing to fantasize about other men while leaving him in the dark. Good luck. Give your best anyway. People are often unreasonable and self-centered. 2.) She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. But that's fucked You need to stand up for your person to your friends not play along. I thanked him. She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. Possibly she has to talk to the friends and say that she loves her man, and she loves his kinks, and that she was only saying that stuff to gossip. They all laugh. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. Couples counseling may help rebuild trust. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. Let her know how betrayed you feel. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. My mom was told me drunk words are sober thoughts. I was hurt when I found out he had outed me to a couple of friends while bragging about some of our exploits, and he apologetically told me the day he did it because it just slipped out during bro time reading your story made my stomach churn. Best of luck. Her voice was strained and raspy. Saying stupid stuff about your sex life aside, why are you talking about your sex life with your friends at all? At the end of the day, it is you who'll decide what makes you happy not them! Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. Your sex life sounds amazing. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. How much more reassurance do you need? You need to accept yourself for who you are. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. Exactly! Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . I wouldnt let her off the hook easily, but we all say and do some dumb stuff and I think she deserves a chance make it up to you and resolve the situation. So will she keep acting to her friends like she has a problem with it? I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . This is what I found out: She let my sexuality slip two years ago at a bachelorette party to her friends when she was completely shit faced and didnt remember till one of the girls made a joke about it and she freaked out and made them swear to never tell anyone she told them cause she knew how upset Id be. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. This wasn't the first time - no one but him was shocked and all the friends knew it was safe to joke about. The world is bad enough with mean enough people, you dont need your team mate trash talking you too. He was literally a running joke to all of them. Are there no angry bi men who look like grocery store managers? That's plain shitty. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. You and your wife decided to marry each other. I'm glad she apologized. It sounds like they were encouraging your wife and Tom to connect. Your refusal to do so speaks to your character. You know what Im talking about Im sure. 1. This isn't your fault. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. Best of luck. Youd always be thinking if you can trust them enough to give them certain information about yourself. "Hey babe, sorry I shit-talk about you and betray your trust. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. She feels bad for being caught. Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. Be kind anyway. But I bet, she has told other people many years ago about it. Divorce her. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. If you need more time to yourself, take it. If my bf were you, I'd imagine he would do the same exact thing. She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. Therapy is the next logical step. Your wife outed you. Your wife betrayed your trust, and knowingly let her friends make homophobic comments. Shes outed you twice, once under influence and this time more than completely sober, then proceeded to loudly discuss your sex life in front of a judgemental group of biphobes who then proceeded to tell their SOs about it and are now probably telling anyone wholl listen about it. German Husband let Young Boy Fuck his Wife in Threesome 14:30. BS. Humanity is an ocean. That's so fucked man. To her, you're the butt of the joke. Mahatma Gandhi Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? Not the rest of the world with their petty judgements. My guess is that she was only sorry he caught her and she's been crying because she's about to become a divorced mom. Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. Not impossible, but def not easy or quick. It doesn't matter if her friends judge her for things - she needs to stand up for you as her husband. BigbigbigBIIIIG yikes. This is divorce worthy. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. You are going to have to shrug this off but your not overacting. Especially with the "gay" things they do. Your wife is a pretty disgusting person. Thats not the kind of person you stay with. It's terrible. I turned around and stormed off to our room. But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. You deserve so much better than this. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? I would take a long look to see if this is reconcilable. If you two have a solid relationship, you should be able to work through this. She said she really felt bad when she realized she outed you, but I mean how sorry is she really if here she is bringing it up AGAIN? You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. This is tough, because you're obviously going through it and I'm sorry you are hurt, very truly. Thats something she and you will have to work on because she shouldnt be embarrassed of it, but at the same time I kind of understand how she can buckle under the pressure of her friends opinions. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. Most of it was on alt accounts he made. From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). Also arrange some couple counseling and talk it all through. And also refused to allow anyone to talk about it. If alcohol was involved the first time she told them, maybe she was talking about it because she wanted to get a read on how her friends would react. I don't think you will recover from this. Its fucked up to add that to a conversation just to pile on and humiliate her own husband. Yeah, I'm a married woman. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. It doesn't matter how private it is, or if they say they don't, they talk. This given that she initiates the sex games, and probably will never admit to friends that she enjoys them as a kink to keep the bedroom alive and hot. Its just so cowardly and shows she's not on your team. Accept yourself, just try to improve. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. Before my wife was with me she dated a man named Tom. Who cares if she feels pressured by her friends to make fun of your sexuality or thinking about Tom, she either has shitty friends or she needs to take accountability for her actions and learn to grow up. I don't know where you should go from here. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. Any other friends you have in common likely know. As a queer person, I would never feel comfortable being with someone biphobic or who is okay being friends with people who are biphobic. She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. Also, your wife needs to drop her biphobic friends who are being a negative influence on her and you by proxy. It sounds like she is uncomfortable with discussing issues with you that she thinks will upset you until she has to but by then the damage is already done. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. All I know is I would never trust my wife ever again after something like this. Perhaps individual first because youll have to process your own feelings before trying to work through things together. Im sorry dude but girlfriends have secrets and Im pretty sure that there are conversations youve had that youd be ashamed for your wife to have heard. Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. Viktor Frankl . No. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. If Tom popped back into the picture at any point, Id have told my partner what happened. Keep sleeping on it, brother. Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. She probably just wants to belong and is afraid to stand up to, i am guessing here, to friends with stronger personalities. But don't be shocked when prople know already. Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! She has betrayed your trust. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. Good luck and I do feel for you. Id be worried he was sleeping with his friends and Id be scared of what he asked me to do in the bedroom they all giggled.i was FLOORED. How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. Being a bi women in a straight committed relationship, I can connect with you in some sense because I do hear "you can't be bi, you're married to a man" or I had previous partners that were horribly insecure about my sexuality. If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. Life is great and were very blessed. A couple of laffs? IN YOUR HOME. I could give the benefit of the double and believe she fakes the homophobic/biphobic stuff for her friends. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. All I can tell you is that it will all pass in good time, and you deserve better, and if she cant be better it ought to be from someone else. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. I dont get down with revenge fucks, but if I thought she was super malicious Id be behind that comment. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. Ban the girls from the house. Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. Does it not show a serious weakness in character that she bull shitted like that? You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. First of all, you're right to cool down before making decision on anything. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. Women get cold feet around marriage, but she decided to be with you. He is my best friend, and I would never make fun of him behind his back like that. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. You're married to the person who should MOST be on your side and she has completely betrayed you for a fucking laugh. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. For a moment I felt ashamed. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? Your actions are your actions and the consequences are the consequences. Being shitty is easy, being a good person is too Clearly choices have been made. Do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual SO to friends with homophobic views? Agreed! Second, sure you might forgive her over time, but do not rush it. Next I called my wife. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. How many people knew about it since she let it slip, considering she's telling the truth and it was only two years ago that she told somebody. Your wife acted poorly. Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. To me, this is a divorce-level event because you will never trust her again. Try distancing yourselves from these particular friends / connections until self estern / acceptance issues are resolved. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". You can be pissed and hurt and angry for now and work on it. Its one thing for the wife and her friends to be talking about you, but they were talking about you and laughing. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. She should immediately be defending you if they're bigots and jerks about your sexuality. They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. Second, if you know somebody is making fun of you over something so intimate and personal, how can you enjoy it again? Let that sink in. From everything, the most painful one was when exposition. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . She doesnt respect you, man. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. Think about you right now, and what you want. Just remember she was crying because she was caught. Firstly: Even though it may be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. Thats so tough. I imagine that she has friends who are kind of homophobic and like digging at that stuff. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. But Im not sure I know anyone who hasnt. She's betrayed you. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. 1.) She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. There are plenty things I could talk about my girlfriend and make fun of her for it to my mates, but I dont because what happens between us stays between us. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. She insulted your sexual performance 5. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. Ugh. But I'm not actually sorry: people act stupid sometimes. She was prepared to throw you under the bus and make you the butt of a joke just to impress her friends? I was going to say something identical. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. I would divorce my husband if he let his friends make comments about my sexuality, and then proceeded to say he fantasized about other women during sex. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. Take your time, make sure you heal on your timeline not hers. She didn't have your back and she put friendship with assholes over her partner in life. Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. Those so called friends are not real friends. When I was married my ex-wife I had a problem with erectile distinction for a few months, due to massive stress at work. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. Tell her to flip the genders and make it you and the "boys" doing "locker room talk" about her and all the things she likes in the bedroom. No. At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. Even individual counseling as well, to help you understand your own feelings and what you want to do in this relationship. But she also initiates in the bedroom a lot, which means at least the main idea of her bullshit is false. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. Come on, you're not 19 anymore. Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. When the "friends" make their snide comments, she should be backing you up, not joining in. Don't minimize the situation and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting or that this isn't divorce-level situation. Same. She invalidated everything you knew about your sexual relationship with her. Itd be a dealbreaker for me. There are many things that could be said or done that are definite "break up" situations, but this is not one of them. She tells my wife that Tom is still handsome as ever (this doesnt bother me, I feel im just as good looking) and they all give a little chuckle before my wife says something that floored me.Tom had reached out to her right before we got married and wanted her to get back together with him. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. Im a bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually. Best of luck. So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? Girls can be katty and have fun taking diggs at each other (guys too but its a stereotypical thing with girls). Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? I have one person I talk to sometimes about my gf. For years. That's awful. i love him but he doesn't excite me the way Tom did. First of all, I don't trust your wife. I mean the "I overheard my wife say something upsetting about me to her friends" genre is a little played out. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. Take a few days away from everything. Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. This is now twice that she has blabbed something intensely personal while intoxicatedthat you know about. I don't know what I'd do. 2) Your wife flat out lied about her grin and bear it attitude about your sex life regarding the "bi stuff" when she often initiates it. Well 1. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Are you being a bit harsh? 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