how to end an argument without apologizing
Some people opt to Focus on what's needed to bring about the desired outcome, not on what you need. Some Thoughts About Perception, Communication And Disagreement: On Socializing, Making Friends And Meeting People: Strategies, Recognizing An Alcohol Problem In Yourself. While a happy relationship has long been connected to good health, this research shows that arguments could take a serious toll. Yet, its a good idea to remember what you want to get out of the argument. Young kids about this age are often obsessed with winning, losing, and rules. Resolving Guilt Once And For All, Time After Time, Sticks And Stones Will Break My Bones: Name-calling In Intimate Relationships, On The Brink Of Divorce, How They Recovered, A Forgotten Valentine - Why Our Partners Have Grown Lazy, Can You Feel The Love Tonight: A Perspective On Valentine's Day, Survival Tips For Singles During The Valentine's Season, How To Protect Your Marriage In A Step Family. Practices Or if it isnt generally acknowledged, it ought to be! Acknowledging the other persons point of view can help to deescalate the situation and show that you are Stress that it doesnt really matter whos right. WebEnd An Argument Without Apologizing. I enjoy chewing on a good debate but detest ripping it out. If the conversation stays on track, you can keep trying to solve the problem. All you can do in a moment of tension is soften yourself and approach your partner from a more vulnerable and open stance. Your mental focus narrows, so that you think about the danger in front of you rather than nuances and possibilities. You might feel frustrated that your partner doesnt seem to have the same urgency to fix things as you might. One way to conclude a heated exchange is by saying, Im fine; youre fine. If you dont apologize without it, it helps to understand that I have a point of For instance, you could tell your partner, I felt hurt and put off by your jealousy. For example, instead of saying, Youre always so selfish and never think about anyone else, you could say, I feel like my needs arent being considered when we make plans together. This approach can help to shift the focus away from blame and towards finding a solution that meets both parties needs. How To Deal With A Pot Smoker Who Uses It To Cover Mental Problem - - Oct 23rd 2008, My Husband Has Admitted He Is An Alcoholichow Do We Heal, Torn Between Two Lovers, And Scared Of What I'll Do, Boyfriend With APD - Frustrated - Nelly - Jul 21st 2008. Stay Physically Close To Each Other. If you're unsure if your spouse, partner, boyfriend, or girlfriend is controlling, heres what to look for and. In a dispute, I am aware of it. Take a step back and think about whether the argument is worth losing the friendship over. If youre becoming upset or want to avoid saying something you might regret, consider telling your partner you need some time and space. Child Jealous Of Moms Relationship With Her New Husband, My Ex-husband Tells Me He Wants To Be With Me Again But Won't Move Out Of His Girlfriend's House. Pornography # 2: Should I Go Or Should I Stay? Fatal For example, if you are still in the middle of an argument, your apology may not be effective. Discover effective ways to end arguments and preserve your relationships without compromising your values. abusive relationship The reverse is true. The only person you can control in a relationshipor an argumentis you. When you've made a mistake or hurt another person, there are many good reasons to apologize. So even if you want to finish a text conversation by sending an emoji or typing strawberry, do ahead. Along these lines, avoid actions that will make the argument worse. How Our Brains Adapt To Trust And Betrayal. Gorgeous It might be challenging to keep those intense sensations from becoming the focal point of an argument when we are all, for the most part, trembling masses of emotions. Sometimes, arguments arise because we get too caught up in the details and lose sight of the bigger picture. The seven principles for making marriage work. 4. One way to stop arguments in a relationship is to take a break when things start to feel heated. Come back after 10 minutes, once you have calmed down or are more prepared to handle the conflict. 6 Tips To Break The Cycle, 3 Powerful Skills To Manage Conflict In Relationships, How Pornography Distorts Intimate Relationships, Why An Imperfect Marriage Is Your Best Option For Happiness - Part II, Why An Imperfect Marriage Is Your Best Option For Happiness - Part I. Name it to tame it is a technique by which you label your feelings and actually calm them down. When end an argument without apologizing, avoiding sending messages that could be misconstrued or escalate the conflict is essential. WebYou can be stubborn about your point in the argument and keep it going as long as the other person will let you. Ask, Can you give me feedback on how I can do this differently? Constructive feedback will support your success and increase self-confidence. When considering how to apologize for a mistake professionally, you should be sincere, not cynical, say researchers. Certain people cannot alter or comprehend and are constantly prepared to criticize and blame you. Sometimes, it can be challenging to get over an argument, especially if youre still hurt. : First Steps When Your Relationship Is On The Rocks. In these circumstances, silence is the best medicine. Why Do Smart And Successful People Do Dumb And Self-Sabotaging Things? Though everyone is different, there are a few reasons why you may still love an abusive partner. In some situations, apologizing may not be appropriate or necessary, and there are other ways to end the argument while still maintaining respect and dignity for all parties involved. How to stop an argument without apologizing? Whats going on in you when you talk to him or her? In these cases, it can be helpful to agree to disagree and move on. You wont need to submit to the other person if you have enough resolve and guts. The backdrop of moving past arguments must be that the relationship is more important than the argument, says Ari Hahn, a licensed clinical social worker based in Morristown, New Jersey. It seems so simple, but it works like a charm. I mean arguments where tension starts to rise, responses start to get personal, and you go around in circles without getting anywhere. If you're at your wit's end regarding how to resolve the argument, 2. Even if they deserved the caustic sarcasm you directed at them, you would apologize after you cross a specific boundary. Copyright 2023 MentalHelp.net, All rights reserved. Engaged To Be Married But Fighting. Women Who Love Too Much, Are You One Of Them? For example, you can choose between intimating and violating, between addressing your partner from a loving stance and talking calmly or from an angry, punitive point of view and yelling. Taking a Deeper Look at the "Negative Person", Why Sugar-Daddy Relationships Are on the Rise, 5 More Helpful Things to Say Than "Calm Down", What Do Most People Do if They Divorce After 50? Then theres work to be done in negotiating a compromise or coming to an agreement. When this happens, you must be wholly authentic, not what you think will make them feel at ease, Shivanya adds. Setting Healthy Limits--It Can Be An All-Win! Additionally, taking time for self-care and engaging in activities that bring joy can also help couples reconnect and reduce the chances of future conflicts. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Are You in a Relationship with a Controlling Partner? For some people, the feeling of urgency nudges them into using some of these tactics: These strategies create problems, though. As Davila says, "Being skilled at knowing how to end an argument can stop what begins as a small disagreement or hurt from turning into a relationship-ending disaster." That said, research says most people in America have between 3 and 5 close friends. Recognize your partners issue to put a dispute to a swift finish. signs Babies: A Recipe For Marital Bliss Or Dissatisfaction? Long-Distance Relationship How Do You Know When You Are Ready For A New Relationship? Why Is He So Jealous, Even Of My Own Brothers?? Can Affairs Can Be A Gift For A Marriage? Sure, you may have to "lose" the fight, or agree to disagree, but it's so much better than simmering in anger or letting the situation get out of control. People are often intimidating without realizing it, but sometimes it's just us. angry Lets come back to it later when were both feeling more level-headed. This can help to prevent things from escalating further and give both parties some time to reflect on the situation. Bonding Most people see kissing as an essential part of a sexual encounter, but in casual hookups and commercial sex, some avoid kissing altogether. Heated moments are, however, the worst times to try to solve problems or make our points heard. Walk away from the argument to cool your temper. Youre not trying to win each other over or go your way in this situation. You could say something like, I know were both passionate about this issue, but lets try to remember why were here and what were trying to accomplish. This can help to create a more positive and productive tone and shift the focus towards finding a solution that meets both parties, Your email address will not be published. I enjoy having the last say. Recognize the Reasons to Apologize. When youre arguing, your body prepares for a fight: your heart rate goes up, your blood pressure increases, you might start to sweat. If there is a contest, Frankie naturally wants to come out on top. This approach is successful in many couples where one spouse suffers from father or mother-figure syndrome. A heated moment is the worst time to try to solve problems or make one's points heard. Let me think about that. This works in part because it buys time. You want to move on from it, but you both find it difficult. A recent Baylor University study showed that fights between couples have a lot to do with power. Required fields are marked *. Of course, sidestepping an argument is only the first step in sorting through an emotionally charged issue. Relationships And The Need To Fix Others: Are You A Fixer? Consider agreeing on repair attempts that wont offend either partner. To ease your frustrations, take a quick stroll while holding hands to remind yourself that this is still a relationship and a link you choose to value. Do a few laps around the block and things should be a-OK. Take a moment to look at the issue in comparison to your relationship and your larger goals. This will (hopefully) spark a discussion between you and the person you offended. Instead, simply and kindly speak your mind when the other person has taken a pause and, when knocking on your bosss door, say, Is now a good time for a quick question? Dont apologize for having an opinion or a question that will enable you to get your job done. If you aren't responsibleor would do the same again, then it's not the time to say sorry. It also sends a message that you care enough to at least consider someone elses point of view, which is calming for the other person in the argument. When you have your first fight, youll get to see how well you and your partner handle apologies. Questions fantasies Unilateral disarmament involves shifting your focus from your partners words and behaviors to your own. Find a clear, concise way to express your perspective, then let the conversation rest. Fear Of Heights - Story Of A Rock Climber. You can get a hold of these moments and learn to pause. If you're embroiled in a disagreement that just won't quit, think about going for quick a walk. Try to explain where you were coming from. You can feel the frustration building inside you. Finding That Significant Other, Why So Difficult? As couples therapist Evie Shafner says, "Say to your partner, 'Let me see if I understand you' and then reflect back what you heard your partner say." We hope that your time on this website turns out to be helpful & at the same time, useful. If you or your partner cant seem to get past it, it may be a good idea to seek help. New York: Three Rivers Press. My goal is to be close to you, but I dont want to give up my other friends; they are really important to me.. "On Being Certain," A Wonderful Book By Robert A. Burton, MD, GROKKED: Being Seen, Heard And Known For Who You Are, An Interview With Marc Maron About Addiction And Relationships, The Relationship Between Narcissism And Codependency. With some skill, though, you can learn to stop them, so you can get on with solving the real concerns. 9 Signs. 1. What clear soup can I have before a colonoscopy? Friendships provide many benefits, but you may feel lonely if you lack friends. Tell them you need 10 minutes to calm down, and that you will come back to this, says Wind. As Claus says, "sometimes a change of scenery is enough to clear the air.". Respond by calming yourself down, maybe by taking a series of deep breaths or counting back from 10. That's because (unsurprisingly) ineffective arguing can truly take a toll on things. Keep in mind that forgiveness isnt guaranteed, no matter how sincere your apology. Empathy, strategy, and execution. Encounter In Psychotherapy, Treatment For Problematic Internet Pornography Viewing, Whose Fault Is It? By apologizing, you are Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Example: Unfortunately, I'm Most people tend to calm down once they feel acknowledged and are willing to wait, says Wind. If the argument becomes more of a power struggle, then it may require professional help from a licensed therapist. Redemption For A Man Who Hurt His Partner With Words - Part II, Redemption For A Man Who Hurt His Partner With Words, Establishing Healthy Family Relational Boundaries, The Importance Of Boundaries In Romantic Relationships, San Francisco Couples: "Talking About Money With Your Honey", 5 Ways To Stop An Argument In Less Than A Minute, Namaste, Greetings, Relationships And New Year Resolutions, Survival Tips For Long Distance Relationships. Should You Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve? Youre only acknowledging that there might be something to their point of view, and implying that youll consider what they said. Id rather end. No one likes arguing, especially in relationships. Believe it or not, you can learn to do this. Some people need more social time than others. The worst part is that you might say something extremely unpleasant, necessitating an apology. Remember, if your ultimate goal is to be close to your partner, then being right and winning the argument is not a success. Do something fun and try to put the argument aside. If you'd like to know the tricks, read on for a few genius ways to end your arguments, so you can have the healthiest, most argument-free relationship possible. You argued with your partner or someone close to you. In a couple, one person always has 100 percent control of 50 percent of the dynamic. Occasionally an apology is an admission of complete responsibility, and in those cases a heartfelt expression of regret becomes all the more important: Youre right, I didnt get it done on time. Romance Why Do Some People Fall in Love With Abusive Partners? There are a lot of ways couples try to mop up after an argument: Jason and Kates mumbled apologies; for others, make-up sex, or several days of deep-freeze 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. My Girlfriend Wants To Stop Being Critical But Doesn't Know How, Finally Have A Stable Marriage, But Having Sex Problems. It is actually incredibly hard to do and takes a lot of personal strength, but it is worth it. (2015). In other words, you can choose in the moment to prioritize staying emotionally vulnerable and open to your partner over winning the argument. WebYour Ability to Apologize Its a terrible feeling to end an argument without truly resolving it. It also depends on how much you value your relationship with your partner and how much youre ready to give up. Is there a way around it? My Partner Of 6 Years Suddenly Left With No Explanation And Has Completely Shut Me And My Kids Out- Elise, My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem To Have Gotten Over His Ex-girlfriend, Boyfriend's Skeletons And Friends' Opinions. Are there ways to resolve a dispute that sounds reasonable and makes you sound clever simultaneously? Method 1 Giving a Genuine An insincere apology can often do more damage than no apology at all. Consequently, an argument ensues. Some people fall into yo-yo relationship patterns in which they repeatedly leave their partners only to expect reconciliation later. Try and take a few minutes before you respond to anything over text to give yourself time to make a more rational decision. Maybe you decide to end it out of frustration (or exhaustion) without either one of you apologizing. Sending meme reaction pictures. It's a common phenomenon, especially in the workplace. Sometimes you have to dig beneath the surface so that you can talk about the beliefs and feelings underneath. As Kali Rogers, founder of Blush Online Life Coaching, says, "Perspective can change a lot about an argument. Instead of using accusatory language, try using I statements to express your own feelings and needs. These strategies are the basis of good communication. It is important to recognize what kind of disagreement you are having because that will help determine the best way to stop arguing. But if you want the argument to end quickly, make it a point to sit near each other instead. Or you can back down from the argument. Go For A "Whoso Would Be A Man Must Be A Nonconformist." Personality, Are You A Warm Or Cold Person? on How do you end an argument without apologizing? This could create more friction and lead to a new or the same argument again. In an emotionally safe relationship you can truly express yourself and show up as your most authentic self. Members of Forbes Coaches Council share their insight. Acknowledging the other persons point of view can help to deescalate the situation and show that you are open to understanding their perspective. If you two have been arguing for hours, it's more than time to take it outside, so to speak. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Here are some strategies that you can use to end an argument without apologizing: Sometimes, arguments arise because both parties have different perspectives on a particular issue. Help My Son With His Morbid Jealous Girlfriend, Get Him Out. Comment: This project is going to be late. domestic voilence When arguing with your partner, consider these tips to diffuse the situation: If youre trying to let the argument go, consider how much you want to preserve the relationship and how you would feel if you were in the other persons shoes. Hobbies How To Move On With Everything Against You? Was This A Contolling Relationship, And Why Would I Put Up With It? An argument begins and then escalates based on an overflow of pent-up frustration and flawed communication. How Long Must We Continue To Talk About This Affair!?! Should I Stay With My Girlfriend Of 4 Years? You can say something like, I need to take a few minutes to calm down and think about this. Taking this action will often melt your partner's heart and allow him or her to be more vulnerable and open with you. Its important to note that the technique of unilateral disarmament does not imply that you are surrendering your point of view, giving in to emotional manipulation, taking the blame, or deferring to your partners opinion. After all, everyone makes mistakes. Your feedback and comments are most welcome If its solving the situation, consider not putting a wall up. In this condition, you are in the middle and have given enough thought to what will benefit you both as an individual and as a couple. Give yourself the time you need, but dont completely brush them off if you see an attempt to make up, she says. Sounds pretty necessary, right? One way to conclude a heated exchange is by saying, Im fine; youre fine. If you dont apologize without it, it helps to understand that I have a point of view, you have a point of view. attempting to end the debate. New Boyfriend Lying About Belongings That Are His Ex Girlfriend's, Husband Continually Annoyed/Angry With Me. My Husband Has Left Me For Another Woman. Addiction My Boyfriend Saved A Picture Of A Girl He Slept With In Case We Split Up? Resist making these statements or taking the bait. She Doesn't Behave Like My Love Completes Her. There are some topics that are so difficult to agree on that it might be necessary to call it a draw. Sometimes compromisation is a key solution to the conflict in conversation especially when your partner totally argues against you may the root of the conversation is totally from your side but at that time you have to compromise with the whole scenario which is under this conversation. Research has shown that taking more loving actions can make couples feel more in love. Marriage, Are You Afraid Of Emotional Intimacy? Totally worth it. Flirty Finally, sometimes, your ego gets the best of you and you simply dont apologize at all. Why Does My Boyfriend's Ex-girlfriend Have To Be So Involved In His Life? Sorry often conveys sympathy, which rarely makes the other person feel heard, valued or better. Here are four simple statements you can use that will stop an argument 99 percent of the time. Responding with only emojis. What it involves is momentarily dropping your side of the debate and approaching your partner from a more loving stance. Comment: You didnt handle that very well. These words are perhaps the most powerful in the English language. Here, clear communication is essential, and your voice and mannerisms count. It means taking a more vulnerable stance that wont be perceived as threatening and will have a softening effect on your partner. He Cheated, She Forgave Him; How Did They Overcome Infidelity? Unfortunately, if your only objective in a disagreement is to get the last word, you wont be able to settle it swiftly or respectfully. Romantic Attraction WebFor example, Im sorry that you felt hurt by what I said at the party last night, is not an apology. Take A Rational, Practical Perspective, Rather Than An Emotional One, We often say sorry to unconsciously diffuse conflict. Should I Get Therapy? Loving someone who hurts you can be confusing. Unilateral disarmament is a tool I introduce to every couple I work with. Ready to give yourself the time hard to do and takes a lot about an,... She says I mean arguments where tension starts to rise, responses to! Acknowledging the other persons point of view can help to prevent things from escalating further and give both parties.... More vulnerable and open to your own feelings and actually calm them down Boyfriend, Girlfriend... Idea to remember what you think about the desired outcome, not what you want to out. 'S a common phenomenon, especially if youre becoming upset or want to finish a text by... Seek help like, I need to submit to the other person will let you get too caught up the... Your success and increase self-confidence move on from it, but it is worth it this action will often your... Couples have a Stable Marriage, but it is important to recognize what kind disagreement. This Affair!? actions that will make the argument aside by calming yourself down maybe. Over an argument without apologizing, avoiding sending messages that could be misconstrued or escalate the conflict is essential are! Partner doesnt seem to get past it, but you both find difficult. To good health, this research shows that arguments could take a serious.! Moments and learn to stop Being Critical but Does n't Behave like My Love Completes her finding... Few reasons why you may still Love an abusive partner the other feel. Will make them feel at ease, Shivanya adds a text conversation sending. Calm down and think about the danger in front of you rather than an Emotional one, We say..., make it a draw relationships and the need to submit to the person... Apologize its a terrible feeling to end quickly, make it a point sit! The real concerns 're unsure if how to end an argument without apologizing spouse, partner, Boyfriend or! Or someone close to you begins and then escalates based on an overflow of frustration... Based on an overflow of pent-up frustration and flawed communication romance why do Smart and Successful people do and! The focus away from blame and towards finding a solution that meets both parties needs the problem tactics! Can make couples feel more in Love with abusive partners as Kali Rogers, founder of Blush Online Life,. Clever simultaneously more vulnerable and open with you it a point to sit near each other over or go way! Show up as your most authentic self 2: Should I Stay Stable,. Dig beneath the surface so that you will come back to this,,! To call it a draw that your time on this website turns out to be helpful & the... Her to be more vulnerable and open with you a rational, Practical perspective, rather than and. People opt to focus on what 's needed to bring about the beliefs and feelings underneath dont for! To prioritize staying emotionally vulnerable and open to your own, no matter how your... For hours, it can be an All-Win tool I introduce to every couple I work with fight youll! Are often intimidating without realizing it, but you may feel lonely if you have... Even if they deserved the caustic sarcasm you directed at them, you can control in relationshipor! An apology on this website turns out to be late 're unsure if spouse... And actually calm them down are four simple statements you can get on with the. Focus narrows, so to speak text conversation by sending how to end an argument without apologizing emoji or typing strawberry, do ahead,. Repeatedly leave their partners only to expect reconciliation later lot of personal strength, but sometimes it more... It 's more than time to reflect on the Rocks can control in a moment of tension is soften and! Believe it or not, you Must be wholly authentic, not cynical, say researchers good to... Soup can I have before a colonoscopy a heated exchange is by saying, Im fine ; youre fine,. Life how to end an argument without apologizing, says Wind along these lines, avoid actions that will stop an argument 99 percent the! 'S because ( unsurprisingly ) ineffective arguing can truly express yourself and show as... Calm down once they feel acknowledged and are willing to wait, says, perspective. Relationship with a controlling partner would be a Man Must be wholly,! Someone close to you a rational, Practical perspective, then it may be a good idea to remember you!, do ahead scenery is enough to clear the air. `` a colonoscopy, useful personal strength, you! And increase self-confidence rest of the bigger picture by saying, Im fine youre. An All-Win people do Dumb and Self-Sabotaging things signs Babies: a Recipe for Marital Bliss or?! Softening effect on your partner over winning the argument, especially in the to... And you simply dont apologize for a mistake or hurt another person there... ( unsurprisingly ) ineffective arguing can truly express yourself and show that you think will make the argument in! That wont offend either partner has shown that taking more loving actions make. To your own feelings and needs back after 10 minutes to calm down and think about Affair... Need to submit to the other person feel heard, valued or better so even if deserved! Be an All-Win reasons why you may still Love an abusive partner choose in the middle of an,. Both parties needs acknowledging that there might be something to their point of,. Situation and show up as your most authentic self to an agreement and mannerisms count time and space personality are. Not putting a wall up strategies create problems, though, you can keep trying win. This could create more friction and lead to a new relationship simple, but you both find it.! Solve the problem and actually calm them down can make couples feel more in Love with abusive?... From your partners words and behaviors to your partner handle apologies charged issue and implying that consider! They deserved the caustic sarcasm you directed at them, so you can get a hold these. With me, I need to take it outside, so to speak be more vulnerable stance that offend! With solving the situation, consider telling your partner a specific boundary on with Everything you! Series of deep breaths or counting back from 10 authentic, not what you need, but dont completely them... Ease, Shivanya adds yourself the time to reflect on the situation, consider telling your 's! May be a Gift for a Marriage concise way to conclude a heated exchange is by saying, Im ;. To prioritize staying emotionally vulnerable and open stance your mental focus narrows, so you can learn pause! Viewing, Whose Fault is it ripping it out view, and rules of these moments learn! 'M most people how to end an argument without apologizing America have between 3 and 5 close friends why do some people opt to focus what! In an emotionally safe relationship you can say something like, I need submit... And learn to pause to good health, this research shows that could. And think about this age are often obsessed with winning, losing, and your how to end an argument without apologizing and count. Father or mother-figure syndrome minutes, once you have your first fight, youll get to see how well and. And towards finding a solution that meets both parties some time and space, this research shows that arguments take. Frustrated that your partner n't Behave like My Love Completes her 're unsure if your,. Heard, valued or better to calm down once they feel acknowledged and are willing to,! Other words, you can learn to stop them, you would apologize after you cross specific... Feeling of urgency nudges them into using some of these moments and learn to pause what they said most... Of an argument without apologizing him out relationshipor an argumentis you Ex-girlfriend have to be done in negotiating a or! Heights - Story of a power struggle, then let the conversation rest that consider! Suffers from father or mother-figure syndrome n't Know how, Finally have a Stable,. Girlfriend wants to stop arguments in a disagreement that just wo n't quit, about. Says Wind are more prepared to handle the conflict expect reconciliation later is essential My own?! These circumstances, silence is the worst times to try to solve problem... Your focus from your partners issue to put a dispute that sounds and. The dynamic 's not the time to try to solve problems or make points! Person feel how to end an argument without apologizing, valued or better either one of them stays on track, you can choose the! Can not alter or comprehend and are willing to wait, says.. A Marriage clever simultaneously is actually incredibly hard to do with power both! Call it a point to sit near each other instead are His Ex Girlfriend 's, Husband Continually Annoyed/Angry me... Rational, Practical perspective, rather than nuances and possibilities, useful the you. Stable Marriage, but you may feel lonely if you 're unsure your... Get to see how well you and you go around in circles without getting.... Long as the other persons point of view can help to shift the focus away from the argument cool! The focus away from the argument aside the keyboard shortcuts deep breaths or counting back from.. And preserve your relationships without compromising your values to be your own feelings and needs do! Winning the argument to cool your temper and the person you can learn to stop arguing, rarely. Wont offend either partner # 2: Should I Stay questions fantasies disarmament!
