my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family
She never said her ex was abusive. What he doesnt realize is that he is hurting his children because he is hurting you and knowingly coming in between you and your family..unless he is a complete moron, he knows exactly what he is doing. He was stingy with money and the kids and I hobbled along as I was a teacher. help! She actually tried to kill me when I was 3 and she was 5. If so, Masini warns that this could spell serious trouble in the future of your relationship. Just how much co-dependency and unhealthiness might be present in your boyfriend's relationship with his ex-wife cannot be ascertained, especially given only the information you provide. Spent 18 months under police protection. He would not leave, so I needed to go. I would move to another town find a man with a good family and leave them suckers with him basically they blame you for you two not being together and they like him better, it would all fall apart if you walked up in there with a guy way better looking with a good job a nice ride and he just stay close and support you during a gathering then the kids get to know him you guys go do things together you just need to move on to someone great!!!! You can take marriage vows in good faith but when you find out your husband deceived you and lied to you i would think that would be classed as evil. I would like to at least say family time is family time. This is because you are a triangulating narcissist that targets and exploits others via abuse by proxy because you are a weak, scared, angry little chicken that has no talent except for what you can leach off of others like a parasite because you are envious, jealous, and have a one-up as well as an inferiority complex. I hope you find some balance. Oh and wait a minute, I have known this person since I was 11 years old. And no she cant make her family choose, however, shes is their mother and full time care giver, is she is well supported and feels safe emotionally and mentally THEN the kids will be in a better position. My ex and I live about 20 minutes apart in North Texas, and my parents are about 2 hours away in Oklahoma. I just dont feel that it is appropriate that we are going to be hanging out with his ex wifes family without her knowledge. We have children. I moved out on my own with nothing and no support from my family. But now my ex who theyre best friends with and who hates me. @Brandon and @Rena. I didnt even know about it until SHE told me. You where married for 13 years. I think I was in denial. You arent unreasonable. This sounds like the ex has gone out of his way to include himself in the family. After all they will receive home through your eyes. My ex did the same regarding telling lies about me. I wish everyday that this is a bad dream but no, my family has actually hurt me in a way I will never understand or forget. My Neice just got married. As my kids have grown. Where your friends and sisters getting married and moving on up and you got pressured to do the same? Where is the maturity in that??? My ex only appears stable because he has money but he was a deadbeat, absent father and I am not in my 50s, alone and isolated. Not sure not hearing his side of this. Its been almost a decade since my divorce and my ex will be with our 4 grown (all in their 20s now) kids for Thanksgiving. My ex cozied up even more than ever to my sister during our acrimonious divorce. I also wont expect them to 100% to do what you/she wants as thats a bit unreasonable. Perhaps this sense of belonging being taken away reminds you of childhood trauma? I totally understand that divorce can be very difficult & hard on the rest of the family, especially if they were fond of your Ex. A few have since come aroubd sheepishly and Wowww the lies he told. NOPE! You are not alone.. Just what happens after a decade or so. My Brother and his Wife did something similar like this to me after my Divorce. Well, this could happen occasionally, by mistake. We have a former brother n law that the entire family remained friends with. I immediately filed for divorce. But the fact that your sister had already invited your ex for Thanksgiving sounds to me like shes got some issues with you and doesnt respect your feelings and I know that your ex has some issues. Instead of passively participating in it. My personal opinion on this matter, is that since you and your ex are co-parenting, it changes the game completely. I have been assaulted by the brother and give a verbal spray by the sister after I disclosed I had brain tumors and an aneurysm requiring treatment and surgery. You should read before commenting. I no longer have relationship with my brother. At least my dad doesnt respond back to him and sets boundaries but my mom does not. One factor that f abusive/toxic families however is that they naturally pull together to preserve the good family identity. We have no idea if her ex is a manipulator and IF that is the case then he needs her familys support even more. Youre right to feel what youre feeling. Tom talks to Nina when he sees her and they get along very well, but I cant help feel jealous. They try to take away your family and kids and friends from you by lying and spreading rumors!!! He doesnt even care enough to come and see them in their sports activities or eventshasnt done that in over two years now. Shes the one choosing to avoid her family. There needs to be compromise. He kept walking. It is easy to label someone batshit crazy instead of considering that there are manipulative people out there who appear sane and rational but are actually abusive. The bright side is that your children are not missing him or all that he used to be involved in. "@context": "https://schema.org", He is an airline pilot so my family are in awe of him. Seeing a therapist to try and find where Im wrong and its my fault that I am not around them, but she is there for everything including family events and bbqs. Lowest of the low. Stay strong in who you are. She married too to another man, bu she still contact him 2-3 times a month after i married with him.. I had to relocate to a different state because he came close to killing me, and was threatening my life. It also makes it hard when you try to move on a introduce a new partner However I like your point of moving past victimhood and playing them at their own game. I hope youre ok You are very strong and please stay strong for your kids . He said I would regret it , mark my words . I agree 100%. You are foremost his Aunt and family so your feelings should come first. Meet Cordae, How I Saved Grocery Money By Dating (Yes, Really). It is very weird! That is it. Despite the fact that the 30 something year old still continues to hate me. My ex is still very much in every one of my family members lives. They may feel as though they are just being nice and that everyone should try and get along, but its also true that nothing new can evolve if something old is not allowed to die. 21 Sure-Fire Signs He Still Loves His Ex 1. Looks like you have a good excuse to blame everything on her. My ex cheated twice. Exs who cant exit your life and stop unhealthy ways to make sure their Believed are SICK Period, and you have the right to protect your kids from them if they are against YOU period. My boyfriend and I are going through the same thing with his family and his ex. But now, they bring her back, let her move in, support her and shes taken over his family. Even though I was physically scared of him and he had attacked an ex before my brother basically said we had to leave our problems at the door and did I really think my ex was going to do anything to me?! You are kind of making things more complicated then it needs to be. Very naive and gullible. If you were to force your boyfriend to stop seeing his ex you'd basically be telling him he can't have those feelings for his friend. A true predator truly gets off on being ONE UP on their ex or another person. I couldnt believe these posts as I have gone through the same thing. Thats your own stupidity. Even still, it can be best to give things time. My familys happiness is way more important than some ridiculous grudge Ive held way too long to over an ex. My mother in law never mentioned it, never said a word to my husband about it. Same here, my dad and sister are freinds with her on fb. I did make up with them and tried to put it aside, in the hope they would start putting my feelings first and be loyal to me. Hosting Thanksgiving this year? Shame on them for choosing him over you. He abused me, she saw marks he left, so to hell with her. Regardless of kind of abuse its healthy not to hang out (even on holidays, for sake of children) with the abuser. You feel that way around him because of your past. I remember I had to beg and cry to ask my sister to unfollow him on Facebook because he would use that against me, he would say he was abusing me because I deserved and see! Its heart breaking. My mom is sick with congestive heart failure, I am her only child and she still engages them. Im so sorry you went through this and I wish you luck and peace going forward. She even calls her "Mom." They have been broken up for over a year, and he says they no longer communicate. My brother passed away and I resumed the relationship with my parents. You also dont get to pick or chose what aspect of your life your exs will have, unless they where just a fling then that could easily be discarded. She takes the the kids she has to the family gatherings plus my family clearly wont cut her out at all because of the kids. Its disrespectful and callous particularly At Thanksgiving. Maybe youre already there since Im late to this post. I couldnt agree with you more! you have to walk away.. if you go to church, especially non denominational, you make new family. Not my ex. I think your family is supposed to be there for you. My wife now and her family has treated me so wonderful, but I have always been in sort of a fog that my family never accepted my new wife, even when it was her who left. I was married for 34 years and my family watched how I was treated and had hash words to say about my ex when I told them I was leaving the marriage. Bottom line, any family member that would invite a monster ex to a family gathering without approval of the person it effects; are #1 mean-spirited bullies and proved themselves as such to all those attending the event. Your family was not offended by him, you were. Infidelity on both sides were symptoms but there was so much more involved that caused our marriage to end. He started coaching in The Netherlands, where he is the owner & coach at the most significant Dutch dating advice website; mannengeheim.nl. Its not being Cordial its being totally and absolutely insensitive, now if they were all best buddies before I guess I could see it to an extent. And that they had something going on longer than I thought. This is something he says purely to keep you from feeling insecure. It really annoys me. Its also true that within his social circle, he now keeps the door open to get back with his ex. We maintain a relationship with herbut it will never be the same. In this case, it was my older sister who turned out to be the master manipulator. There is a reason the family is/was comfortable with him. (still friends). After the divorce he made it his mission to make himself look like the good guy and me as the crazy one. I have full custody of two of my kids and I am divorced. It took work to get to the point we are now. Now, if your ex were abusive, if you had concerns that your children werent safe around him, or if he were a criminal that would be something else entirely. Kristin Marquet Chester, for instance, grew very close to her boyfriends' parents over the course of their year-long relationship. I feel for you. Finally I walked away from them all. I was shocked but not surprised when my family sided with him. "acceptedAnswer": { I agree. Now its out of your control. How can we move forward? And how he runs to her pic . I remember as a small child going to that house for holidays, summer vacations and what not. This bothers Jada. He has a huge family of his own and I wish hed just focus on them. I divorced their father when my youngest was 3. And have 5kids. This is a disregard of a sister, daughter and family member. Well we find out a few weeks ago she did it. My mother told me when I was in my thirties. However, I still spend time with his mom when he is back across country, who is elderly and in poor health, and I see no issue with that. 17 yrs married and I cut ties with my family cuz they would rather hang out with my ex. Your family is out of line. My grandson used to be at our house all the time land slept over a lot. That she didnt get mad when I would hang out with my dad. My mother even calls my ex mother in law when she was in the hospital and they werent close. If the answer is that you still feel entitled to have your family stay away then you might be right, but likely you made this condition possible. Something my ex said when we signed our divorce papers also implied his new partner was kinda fed up with the whole thing as well. So sorry to hear I am not alone. Everyone is so conflict avoidant and passive aggressive i that family im sure its not even discussed. After I talked to my mom who lives in his state, she started asking my uncles and they said they heard from my ex that the divorce was all my fault and I had an affair!!!! When I would express how this was affecting our children and myself. If not, there should be no renewed friendship.. He often interrupts private conversations for stupid reasons and his wife always seems to be a part of whatever I am doing/talking to my kids about. Remember you will be around him for the rest of your life or his. I dont get to know and spend time with them." Psychologist's Reply. My mom lived with us, a did my niece. Im so sorry you are experiencing this. Doesnt sound like it. Your inability to keep a promise has no bearing on their relationship with him. You can choose what you do, but not what they do. By this point he has them fooled but I pray one day it turns around. "If you have children together, keep your relationships with your exs family, as it pertains to the children, civilized and cordial, but dont cross the line to where your ex is uncomfortable. Im having the same experience with my family currently and its really upsetting. He would belittle all efforts made and made sure that I knew that everything else came before me. If you want to stay awaythats fine too. Im so disappointed in them. I did stupid decisions to get his attention and I think he wanted out so he pushed. I not only lost her, but I loved her kids as if they were mine. I no longer speak to my former in laws. Their actions are just too toxic and I dont want that in my life. I dont mind not only do I not mind I encourage it.. just because our 12 year relationship ended in a rather fucked up way. One night we had some drinks . We was married for 8 years until I caught him running around with his 64 year old mistress. They just didnt get the emotional trauma I had gone through. Destroy what could have been a possible growth and learning experience. And if you have and theyre still continuing behaving this way, they really have no respect for you. All you need to do is sign up with your email and boom: credit for your preorder on a new Samsung device. My Stepmum gave up a baby and when they reconnected when he didnt behave how she wanted him to she kind of gave up on him. Emily. My children are grown have been divorced for years, my daughters continue their relationship with their father which I have no problem with but they are stepping over the line now. It is my opinion that when your child gets married two people become one and family emerge as one. We had Christmas morning at my step-daughters and my daughter brought my ex over there as well. So Im done. What is wrong with people? I recently received a question to which I, unfortunately, had to give a very simple answer. I am a very private person. That Man maybe perfect in your eyes, but you were not married to them. It has happened to me so I just keep away from them. new episodes every wednesday! Staying friends with exes is one thing, but staying friends with their families is something completely different. Did they feel that you wronged him or cheated on him? They didnt invite my brothers ex wife after their divorce. I split with my ex wife 7 years ago before my daughter was 2. I never said they couldnt be cordial but when my ex husband is still in the picture 9 years after he left..and he wanted to separate, divorce. You deserve a supportive family and are not alone in this. Its been over a year now and my family invites my Ex to bbqs, etc and is soo happy that he got a new girlfriend. They know theyre doing wrong. I got back in touch with my Dad last year and after months of phone calls he wouldnt even meet up with me 5 minutes from his house with me making a 90 mile journey! Often I get this info from my daughter that they had chatted. It is something that I can very much relate with! I did not have any children so at least that could not be used as an excuse for them but like you say if they have full access through yourself then why would they want to interact with him? Here's Why I'm Still Friends With My Ex's Mom Even A Decade Later. I feel a lot more disloyalty in this visit than in the 20s visit. You have a very different relationship to religion than i do and i think you should re read your comments and see just how unchristian they really are. Theres nothing wrong with them remaining in contact with him. Just wrong!!! 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